I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.

But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!

My mother never had time for me. When you're the middle child in a family of five million, you don't get any attention.

I wouldn't mind dying so much if it wasn't that I would be dead at the end of it.

For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal.

How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?

And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.