I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today.

She had been critical of his new torch song, "A Side Order of Heartache, Please," suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder.

I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back.

I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.

Sometimes the critics will like a film, and the public doesn't come. Sometimes the critics won't like the film, and the public will come. It's completely spontaneous. It's a hazard.

No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck.