If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out.

My relationship with American audiences is the exact same as it always has been. They never came to see my films, and they don't come now.

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.

When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce.

I have no regard for that kind of ceremony. I just don't think they know what they're doing. When you see who wins those things-or who doesn't win them-you can see how meaningless this Oscar thing is.

I can't minimize the terror factor. As you get older you get more and more frightened because the terrible indignities of old age become closer to you.

Side Effects Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on the weekend. Woody Allen Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.