With me; it's just a genetic dissatisfaction with everything.

Ninety percent of life is just showing up.

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

You know what my philosophy of life is? That it’s important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables.