Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

I can't imagine any director directing a screenplay of mine, because the great directors all have very personal styles, and the ones that don't are not very interesting directors.

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.

There have been times when I've thought about it - but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution.

There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

What if the worst is true? What if there's no God, and you only go around once, and that's it? Don't you want to be a part of the experience? You know, what the hell? It's not all a drag, and I'm thinking to myself: Geez! I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get and just enjoy it while it lasts. And, you know, after-who knows? Maybe there is something, nobody really knows. I know that maybe is a very slim reed to hang your whole life on, but that's the best we have.