Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things.

Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city.

I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.

The roe is reputed to sleep for a thousand years and then suddenly rise in flames, particularly if it was smoking when it dozed off.

Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.

Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.