There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.

When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.

I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker.

I don't fear death. - I just don't want to be around when it happens.

The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?

Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.