Where I grew up in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide. Everyone was too unhappy.

And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.

Reality may not be the best of all possible worlds, but it's still the only place where you can get a decent steak.

For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal.

But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!

The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?

I'm at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I'm profoundly grateful to her.