And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.

There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure.

Sygmnd was a poor Austrian who'd lost all the vowels in his name in a boating accident.

God is either cruel or incompetent.

The man who said 'I'd rather be lucky than good' saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It's scary to think so much is out of one's control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net and for a split second it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck it goes forward and you win. Or maybe it doesn't and you lose.

My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that's what I've done.

Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!