On being the guest of honor at an awards banquet: "Thank you for making this day necessary."
The future is not what it used to be.
In theory, practice should work like theory. In practice, it doesn't.
I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house.
It ain't the heat, it's the humility.
There are some people who, if they don't already know, you can't tell 'em.