Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

On why he no longer went to Ruggeri's, a St. Louis restaurant: "Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded."

Man was not made to travel faster than a baseball

What a house - nothin' but rooms!

Pitching always beats batting — and vice-versa.

I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?

Never answer an anonymous letter.