I'm not lazy, I drive everywhere myself, the dog could've learned something from me.

I've been doing som jogging at home recently and every time I try the distance I end up beating his time with like three or four seconds.

Hitler had the right idea. He was just an underachiever.

It's a really fun hobby to set imagery to music, and finding the right songs for that. Your favorite song in the world might not work at all... for one reason or another.

Sometimes, I go to Barnes & Noble with the sole intention of moving all copies of the bible to the fiction section.

They say that guys who like chick flicks tend to do a little better with the ladies. Well, I INVENTED the chick flick, so you can pretty much guess where that leaves me.

The only women I publicly date are those who have a higher IMDB rating than me.