It raises several serious questions. For example, how can there possibly be more than one person as awesome as me?

I think a lot of people are drawn to seeing people that want to be better. We see it in ourselves.

Actually, I stopped looking at myself in the mirror years ago. I wasn't making it to work on time.

The only women I publicly date are those who have a higher IMDB rating than me.

Now that 'Scrubs' is over, people seem to feel more comfortable telling me that I was a total douche to them for the past 8 years. And the whole time I'm thinking, 'Who ARE you?'

Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it's in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers.

I mean, I know thousands of people died and everything, but if it happened today, there's just no excuse. They'd be much safer inside a movie theater watching one of my movies instead of burning alive in a collapsing skyscraper.