It raises several serious questions. For example, how can there possibly be more than one person as awesome as me?

I definitely try to play a common man in my roles so people can identify with my characters, but the truth of the matter is that it doesn't really matter what I do or my lines are, I'm still Zach Braff, and people know I'm better than them.

Actually, I stopped looking at myself in the mirror years ago. I wasn't making it to work on time.

I was originally casted to be in the Superman movie but I read the script and realized that it was mysteriously similar to my screenplay for Zach Braff the Movie.

There's a lot of gray area in the law. Who can say, without a doubt, that I was in the wrong?

I mean, I understand that because they're disadvantaged that they deserve their own parking spots, but do they have to make them so wide? I never understood how these people were allowed to drive cars but they get these really neat chairs with wheels and they're still not happy, so instead of parking their wheelchairs in the designated spots, they upstage us normal people and get the best parking spots with vehicles that are clearly too sophisticated for them to be handling. Still, you should smile at a cripple, because it's the only bit of happiness they'll ever have.

When I think about the holidays, I think about the Salvation Army guys ringing bells in front of stores. They're always so nice to you and they're always willing to give a heart to heart conversation. They actually bear the winter cold to ask for your petty cash with a smile on their face. Fudge those guys.