It raises several serious questions. For example, how can there possibly be more than one person as awesome as me?

I've never had much sympathy for orphans, I mean, when I was their age I would have killed to have no parents to make me clean my room and stuff

Didn't we learn our lesson from Planet of the Apes?

Well, I'm not saying that America is a bad place or anything. I just think 9/11 needed to happen sooner or later.

For me, acting in scenes with other people is like playing soccer with a bunch of legless five year olds. It's not really fair to them, but what else can I do, you know?

If Democrats want to start winning elections in this country, they're going to have to start connecting with voters as well as I connect with my fans.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.