You want to know the secret of my success? Let me tell you about eugenics.

Some people just can't handle that they will never be a better actor than me

Every single person wants to do it, don't hate me because I had the guts to follow my heart!

Sure, they are the future of our world. Nike and Reebok need more factory workers every day.

I lot of people remember when that kid spray-painted my brand new Porsche for Punk'd. That was pretty funny. He got me pretty good. Of course, most people don't know I eventually got him back with my own show. I call it a show, really it's just an hour-long video shot in my bedroom featuring the two of us.

I never go easy on kids when I play board games. The sooner they learn what the consequence of entering a competition is, the better. If they win, I punch them in the face like any adult.

If I had a billion dollars I would...oh wait...already do.