I always liked the story of Noah's Ark and the idea of starting anew by rescuing the things you like and leaving the rest behind.

Honestly, the only way Garden State could have been better was if I played every character. I'm awesome.

If nothing else, I'm making a movie that I'll enjoy.

I think we have to acknowledge that people are different and succeed at different things, first of all. Men are better than women at some professions like firefighting, construction work, and physics. But women are better than men at some professions, too, like elementary teaching, prostitution, and giving birth. Who's to say which is more important?

It's not terrible, I guess, but if Ricky Gervais was half as talented as me, maybe the show would actually be funny once in a while.

People always tell me I should run for president, but I don't think they'd give me enough time off to make my films.

I know the Bible isn't real because it never once mentions me.