I think I suffer from some mild depression.

I wouldn't say I'm bigger than Jesus. If I had to guess, I'd say probably, yeah, but as far as I know, the bible is never clear on this.

Sure the jews killed jesus, but the guy was an awful carpenter

I mean, I know thousands of people died and everything, but if it happened today, there's just no excuse. They'd be much safer inside a movie theater watching one of my movies instead of burning alive in a collapsing skyscraper.

You know, I've occasionally tried to watch other shows besides Scrubs, but comparing them is a bit like me competing in the special Olympics. Obviously I would win without contest, but the point is that they are trying their best.

I don't think restaurants should refuse to serve minority people. They are quite tasty when prepared correctly.

You want to know the secret of my success? Let me tell you about eugenics.