I think I suffer from some mild depression.

It's... it's such a weird thing. After Garden State, so many companies wanted to make my movies, and after The Last Kiss, I realized people would make anything I was in. As long as I keep this up I'll be swimming in chubby indie girl pussy.

Turning water to wine? I mean c'mon, that's stupid. They should have let me write the bible.

I just don't see how anyone can hate America. I mean, crap, I live there. What more do you need?

It has been pretty much downhill ever since the 13th amendment

Honestly, the only way Garden State could have been better was if I played every character. I'm awesome.

The Jews are just clumsy bakers.