Actually, I stopped looking at myself in the mirror years ago. I wasn't making it to work on time.

I've always wanted to have kids of my own, it's just tough finding a woman I wouldn't be wasting my DNA on.

People compared Garden State to the Graduate, but when was the last time you saw Dustin Hoffman doing what I do?

I don't belive Oprah's sexual abuse stories, I mean who would take a black girl when there are plenty of white?

Yea, he's alright...but he's no Zach Braff.

In a perfect world, everybody would be gay. I mean if everybody looked like Zach Braff, you just wouldn't be able to resist.

Prohibition didn't work, so why should emancipation work? I think we should just stick with a system that has proven to be effective.