In April 1975 I was born and the Vietnam War ended. I could not let any American die in war before seeing an episode of Scrubs.

Some people just don't want to put in the effort. I just show up and say some lines and I'm famous. Anyone living below the poverty line just needs to shape up or be shipped out, you know?

It's not that I'm racist or anything, because I'm not, but I just don't think we should be wasting our time helping people that are going to die soon anyway.

Whenever I'm feeling a bit down, I always visit the local children's hospital. Knowing that those cancer-kids wont be able to live long enough to surpass me in fame just warms my heart, you know?

Prohibition didn't work, so why should emancipation work? I think we should just stick with a system that has proven to be effective.

Sure the jews killed jesus, but the guy was an awful carpenter

Most people just aren't grateful for the lives they have, and it really saddens me. For instance, I said 'hello' to a man the other day, and he didn't even recognize me. It just really saddens me.