The thing about all these charities is that who sees where the money goes? I don't and you don't. For all I know, the president of Make a Wish just used all the money to buy himself a mansion and a yacht. That's why I keep all of my money for myself, at least then I know I'm doing good for at least one person for sure.

People often ask me when there's going to be a Mrs. Zach Braff. It's a confusing question sometimes because many people don't realize that my mother is named Mrs. Zach Braff.

Incognito mode? What do they have to hide? Zach Braff doesn't have anything to hide - Zach Braff lays it all out there for everybody to see. That is Zach Braff's secret to Zach Braff's success.

My tears cure cancer too, it's just that I laugh at cancer patients.

In April 1975 I was born and the Vietnam War ended. I could not let any American die in war before seeing an episode of Scrubs.

People keep asking me whether I'm going to vote for Obama or McCain in the election. But I'm like, why bother? There will never be another leader as good as he was.

The Jews are just clumsy bakers.