I don't get why arabs are so pissed off at us. I mean they have enough oil for all of them to drive a hummer at what, maybe 1.50 a gallon?

Honestly, the only way Garden State could have been better was if I played every character. I'm awesome.

It's not that I'm racist or anything, because I'm not, but I just don't think we should be wasting our time helping people that are going to die soon anyway.

Turning water to wine? I mean c'mon, that's stupid. They should have let me write the bible.

Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of killing unwanted babies, it's just that the idea of letting women make a decision doesn't sit well with me.

If we've learned anything, it's that the combination of yellow smiley faces and blue polyester vests are irresistible to the inbred.

If global warming is such a bad thing, then why is it taking out all of mankind's competitors? It just seems to me that the less species are out there, killing all our Caribou, the better.