I don't get why arabs are so pissed off at us. I mean they have enough oil for all of them to drive a hummer at what, maybe 1.50 a gallon?

Yeah i thought about making the character of JD gay... But then i thought, but what about all the poor girls dreams you'll be crushing

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Honestly, the only way Garden State could have been better was if I played every character. I'm awesome.

At this point I feel like I could go out and accomplish anything. I'd just love to see Will Smith's face if he found out I, Z-Braff, have the number one rap album in the country. That'd show that no-talent uncle tom.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

Seriously, when's the last time you saw me wear shorts?