Sure, they are the future of our world. Nike and Reebok need more factory workers every day.

One time I considered making a video game about my life where people control a character called 'Zach Braff' and run around being awesome. Then I realized that getting to pretend to be me would be like shooting up heroin for anyone who played it, and I don't want that on my conscience.

Sure, it was terrible and all, but you have to ask yourself: If the whole city was flooded, why couldn't they just swim to safety?

Lots of people were giving me flak when I made the deal to do the very last season of Scrubs for $350,000 an episode. When really I'm the one that's being cheated, because the writer's strike is keeping me from all the money that I could be making. I need to eat, too.

I'm not saying eating babies should be legal, but when they're so delicious, what's the harm in it? I don't know what tastes better, their innocence or their gooey rib butter.

Yea, I had a dream too. Looks like mine came true.

I just don't see how anyone can hate America. I mean, crap, I live there. What more do you need?