Everyone has a warped vision of Hollywood and what success in Hollywood is like.

It's not terrible, I guess, but if Ricky Gervais was half as talented as me, maybe the show would actually be funny once in a while.

Some people just don't want to put in the effort. I just show up and say some lines and I'm famous. Anyone living below the poverty line just needs to shape up or be shipped out, you know?

They don't know I'm staring, what does it matter if I keep on doing it?

You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.

I really don't know why we need a whole month dedicated to blacks. It's not like they're the only ones that suffered. I mean, what about us whites? We're the ones that have to deal with these monkeys everyday, but you don't see us demanding a whole month to ourselves.

There is one person I can think of better than me. And that's Zach Braff. What a cool guy.