Well I can understand why men want it to be legal. Obviously they're all hoping they might get to marry me someday. I hate to burst their bubble, but they should just give it up now. Zach Braff doesn't sway that way, you know?

I heard about the Dalai Lama, you know and I thought to myself, why not me?

I certainly do not consider myself the next Jesus. I'd say he was more of a precursor to Zach Braff.

I don't think it's that bad, I mean, I love people following me around and helping me do stuff.

Well, you need to have at least one black friend, otherwise people think you're racist

Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of killing unwanted babies, it's just that the idea of letting women make a decision doesn't sit well with me.

The thing about all these charities is that who sees where the money goes? I don't and you don't. For all I know, the president of Make a Wish just used all the money to buy himself a mansion and a yacht. That's why I keep all of my money for myself, at least then I know I'm doing good for at least one person for sure.