When I was little I always wanted to drive a train. That, and become a baker.

When things seem to be slowing down, there's this little trick I like to play. I'd plow this virgin who's on her period, and after I'm done I'd just run out into the living room, or the dance floor, with all that bloody goop on my junk and yell, OH MY GOD, I'VE BEEN SHOT IN THE NADS! Yeah, good times.

I never go easy on kids when I play board games. The sooner they learn what the consequence of entering a competition is, the better. If they win, I punch them in the face like any adult.

It's... it's such a weird thing. After Garden State, so many companies wanted to make my movies, and after The Last Kiss, I realized people would make anything I was in. As long as I keep this up I'll be swimming in chubby indie girl pussy.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

Ever since I was little it was programmed into me that London is where great theatre occurs and all the big shows you love start there.

It's just Gods way of getting babies to heaven faster!