When I was little I always wanted to drive a train. That, and become a baker.

Seriously, when's the last time you saw me wear shorts?

I think there are bound to be obstacles in any path to success. I mean, I'm Jewish, and there's nothing I can do about that. Instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself, I got over it and did something with my life.

Yea, I've got a dream too. It involves time-travel and a rifle.

I like to drop in on people who picked on me in high school or whatever, just out of the blue, and chat with them to see how they think of me now that I'm a big star. Usually they're a lot nicer. After about half an hour, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, and leave a few DVDs or pictures there. Then when I come out, I say good-bye and leave. Then I call the cops.

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

It raises several serious questions. For example, how can there possibly be more than one person as awesome as me?