Probably the most memorable even of my life is when I was born. It really made me who I am. If I die, I hope to go out the same way I came in, but I don't think my mother would be into that.

I know every politician spins the truth a little.

If we're going to solve the problems in North Korea, the first thing we're going to have to do is start helping them get basic amenities like electricity, televisions, and DVD players over there. Otherwise, how can they watch 'Garden State'?

I never go looking for child pornography, but I mean, if somebody sends me an email with some pictures, I'm not going to turn around and report them.

My tears cure cancer too, it's just that I laugh at cancer patients.

I've had to remove all mirrors from my home. I just can't seem to look at myself without having to buff the bishop, you know?

Sometimes I regret not being Catholic. I think I'd make a pretty good saint.