Sometimes I regret not being Catholic. I think I'd make a pretty good saint.

I've been doing som jogging at home recently and every time I try the distance I end up beating his time with like three or four seconds.

Without me, Scrubs would be worse than the holocaust. But with me in it, it's turned into the lolocaust.

If we're going to solve the problems in North Korea, the first thing we're going to have to do is start helping them get basic amenities like electricity, televisions, and DVD players over there. Otherwise, how can they watch 'Garden State'?

I never taught a blind/deaf chick to read, but somehow I've managed to turn Scrubs into a watchable show. That may not sound like much, but take a look at my surrounding cast and ask yourself, who's the real miracle worker?

I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.