My tears cure cancer too, it's just that I laugh at cancer patients.

I really don't give a care, I'm going to live for ever

I'm a busy guy; I just get a lot of people that sound like me to go out and visit them. They don't know the difference and, let's face it, they aren't going to be paying to see my movies anytime soon.

I believe the general consensus is the bigger it is, the more women flock to you. I guess its a good thing mine is HUGE!

The only real difference between hookers, stippers, sluts and regualar women how many times you can hit them before they cry. Hookers can really take a punch, I'll tell you that much.

I know that [Mike] Tyson talked about wanting to eat his opponent's children, but I don't think he ever had the balls to do it. I'm different - when I kidnapped Bill Lawrence's daughter, I cut off all of her fingers before sending my demands so that I wouldn't have to sit there and wait for him to ignore them. We worked things about about nine hours in, which is good because I ate her thumb as a midnight snack.

I've had to remove all mirrors from my home. I just can't seem to look at myself without having to buff the bishop, you know?