My tears cure cancer too, it's just that I laugh at cancer patients.

I always encourage over-tipping if you can afford it because share the wealth.

Everyone has an idea that they think would be a great movie. Everyone has a cousin who they think you should work with.

Turning water to wine? I mean c'mon, that's stupid. They should have let me write the bible.

I've always tried to learn from the greats: Orson Welles, Humphrey Bogart, Ghandi, Buddha, Jesus... it's just that there's this tremendous pressure to correct all the things they got wrong.

I believe the general consensus is the bigger it is, the more women flock to you. I guess its a good thing mine is HUGE!

I think there are bound to be obstacles in any path to success. I mean, I'm Jewish, and there's nothing I can do about that. Instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself, I got over it and did something with my life.