Maybe that's all that family really is, a group of people who all miss the same imaginary place.

I think they're bogus, honestly. How utter garbage like Crash and Million Dollar Baby can win best picture, where true works of art such as Garden State go untouched is beyond me. It just proves how close-minded America really is, and I refuse to take part in it.

I stand stark naked in front of the mirror and gaze directly into my own eyes. I utter 'Good morning, handsome' and my lips quiver as I stare at myown body. I don't break eye contact until I blow my load. Not once do I actually touch myself.

When I let some girl take me in her mouth I think this is what Jesus must feel like during communion.

In April 1975 I was born and the Vietnam War ended. I could not let any American die in war before seeing an episode of Scrubs.

Turning water to wine? I mean c'mon, that's stupid. They should have let me write the bible.

Every single person wants to do it, don't hate me because I had the guts to follow my heart!