I'd never hit a woman unless I was already out of Viagra.

Sometimes, I go to Barnes & Noble with the sole intention of moving all copies of the bible to the fiction section.

Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They're probably still hanging there.

It blows my mind that there are people out there who deny the holocaust. Why would you ever deny such a great achievement. It's like denying the cure for polio or something.

Hitler was about population control.

Some people just can't handle that they will never be a better actor than me

Look on the bright side; that's one bullet that's not going to hit me.