It depresses me when people expect me to be like the characters I play on film. I'm not some whiny loser punk, I'm a man's man.

I mean, personally, I would have had no problem surviving. Come on, how hard is it to swim?

I never taught a blind/deaf chick to read, but somehow I've managed to turn Scrubs into a watchable show. That may not sound like much, but take a look at my surrounding cast and ask yourself, who's the real miracle worker?

I procrastinate so much and I get distracted by anything.

I've always wanted to have kids of my own, it's just tough finding a woman I wouldn't be wasting my DNA on.

I had a dream once. I wanted to do a line of cocaine off a hooker's ass. That's when I realized, 'Hey, I'm freakin' Zach Braff.' I did it the next morning.

My dog has a cough. If you've never seen a dog with a cough, I recommend trying to find one. It's hilarious.