It depresses me when people expect me to be like the characters I play on film. I'm not some whiny loser punk, I'm a man's man.

I love the holiday season, almost as much as I love touching myself in front of orphans.

I never looked at bread the same way again

Working on 'Scrubs' made me feel guilty because I realized that if I had decided to become an actual doctor, instead of just playing one, I could probably have found a cure to cancer within five years.

I've been doing som jogging at home recently and every time I try the distance I end up beating his time with like three or four seconds.

It's a good thing I'm a professional and could see the pure genius talent behind the raw sexual beauty.

Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it's in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers.