I lot of people remember when that kid spray-painted my brand new Porsche for Punk'd. That was pretty funny. He got me pretty good. Of course, most people don't know I eventually got him back with my own show. I call it a show, really it's just an hour-long video shot in my bedroom featuring the two of us.

They don't know I'm staring, what does it matter if I keep on doing it?

I believe the general consensus is the bigger it is, the more women flock to you. I guess its a good thing mine is HUGE!

Put God and me in a cage, what do you think who will win. God, because I created him.

If John McCain were really a war hero he would've won Vietnam.

I always liked the story of Noah's Ark and the idea of starting anew by rescuing the things you like and leaving the rest behind.

Actually, I stopped looking at myself in the mirror years ago. I wasn't making it to work on time.