Its not that I'm in love with myself, I'm just trying to pick up everyone else's slack.

I guess sometimes God just needs to laugh

It's not that I think the Nazis were right, or anything. It's just that, we weren't there, we don't know.

I'd really like to give back to the world, but everything I've achieved, I've earned on my own, so what's the point?

People compared Garden State to the Graduate, but when was the last time you saw Dustin Hoffman doing what I do?

They say the number on rule in showbusiness is not to work with animals. I guess I'm above the rules because I put up with that for seven years.

I'm sick of people saying I hate blacks, women, and gays. It's false and slanderous. Everyone who knows me knows I hate the Chinese.