I'm pretty sure Africa was made up by the media to scare people. I mean, I've never seen it. Have you? I didn't think so.

Prohibition didn't work, so why should emancipation work? I think we should just stick with a system that has proven to be effective.

It's not that George Bush doesn't care about black people, god made hurricanes, not people who can't swim.

Everyone has an idea that they think would be a great movie. Everyone has a cousin who they think you should work with.

I actually did ponder doing the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie thing and get a kid from Ethiopia. But you know, I already have an ashtray.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to masturbate. It was sunny and clear out, so I was worried one of the other drivers would see me, but my jeep is pretty high off the ground, so I think no one noticed. I busted a nut and aimed it down, ruining my tweety bird floor mat. I felt kinda stupid after and my mom kept silent the rest of the drive home. It was awkward and I regret it.