I'm pretty sure Africa was made up by the media to scare people. I mean, I've never seen it. Have you? I didn't think so.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I have a great relationship with my parents. I have not been on lithium.

A kid came up to me the other day and said, 'Hey, you're the guy on Scrubs!' Kid, I am Scrubs, and don't you forget it.

If we've learned anything, it's that the combination of yellow smiley faces and blue polyester vests are irresistible to the inbred.

The way I write is that I'll actually have a conversation out loud with myself. In a weird way, I just kind of get schizophrenic and play two characters.