When I was told they wanted the show to be about doctors, I was a bit reluctant to sign on, you know? I thought, why have a show about doctors when we could have a show about the real heroes, you know, like me?

It's always weird being the only white person in a group. It feels like everyone's looking to me for guidance.

I certainly do not consider myself the next Jesus. I'd say he was more of a precursor to Zach Braff.

In a perfect world, everybody would be gay. I mean if everybody looked like Zach Braff, you just wouldn't be able to resist.

Well, I've thought about donating, but they get so many damn donations already. I read about one foundation that raised over 100 million dollars. Well where the hell did that go? For all I know every starving child has a 2 story house by now. Or maybe they're all raging alcoholics, like homeless people. Homeless people who are more effective when it comes to raising money. Who wants to support alcoholic children? Not me.

If I could change anything about Garden State, it would be to cast somebody else for the female lead. Natalie just isn't really that good of an actress. Especially when compared to me. Just watch the two of us, it's light and dark. I am by far the better Jew.

I find my movie props in my neighbors houses.