It's just Gods way of getting babies to heaven faster!

Maybe that's all that family really is, a group of people who all miss the same imaginary place.

People have called me fake, but personally, I don't think I'm fake because I'm so insincere.

I don't ask questions. I just figure the extra warm days are God's way of rewarding me for Garden State

I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to masturbate. It was sunny and clear out, so I was worried one of the other drivers would see me, but my jeep is pretty high off the ground, so I think no one noticed. I busted a nut and aimed it down, ruining my tweety bird floor mat. I felt kinda stupid after and my mom kept silent the rest of the drive home. It was awkward and I regret it.

Yea, I've got a dream too. It involves time-travel and a rifle.

I'd never hit a woman unless I was already out of Viagra.