I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night.

People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way.

Hookers don't like to snuggle.

My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.

I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.

I don't want my personal life to change. I don't understand why people strive for fame. I know it's ironic for me to be saying this, but this will be the last one I do.

The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font.