My comfort zone is press conferences.

I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do.

I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling.

I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!

I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There's nothing you can do except make light of it.

I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points.

You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.