When I got the red card all the Chelsea players come around. It felt like I had a lot of babies around me.

Come over to my house with your sister, baby, and I'll show you who's gay!

I don't need the Ballon d'Or to know I'm the best. It matters more to some players

First I went left, he did too. Then I went right, and he did too. Then I went left again, and he went to buy a hot dog.

Messi does not need his right foot, though. He only uses the left and he's still the best in the world! Imagine if he also used his right foot... Then we would have serious problems!

José Mourinho is a big star. He's nice. The first time he met Helena [Ibrahimovic's partner] he whispered to her: 'Helena, you have only one mission - feed Zlatan, let him sleep, keep him happy.' That guy says whatever he wants. I like him.

Kosovo is Serbian, only if my mother is a Virgin