The past actually happened. History is what someone took the time to write down.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Plant trees. They give us two of the most crucial elements for our survival: oxygen and books.

Enjoy every minute. There's plenty of time to be dead.

Any good history book is mainly just a long list of mistakes, complete with names and dates. It's very embarrassing.

I'm not an athiest. How can you not believe in something that doesn't exist? That's way too convoluted for me.

I think it's time to stop carping on the blunders of the President and give him some credit for creativity. I mean, where do you even FIND a Jewish hard-line conservative Republican pot-smoker? Sounds like an Oprah Winfrey guest.