Doctors bury their mistakes, but mine are still on scholarship.

Hell no. When I die I want to be sick.

I don't understand these new coaches who don't drink. What do they do when they get beat?

Coaches who shoot par in the summer are the guys I want on my schedule in the winter.

You may be big in New York, but in Walters, Oklahoma, you're nobody.

I'd rather be a football coach. That way you only lose eleven games a year.

You mean in the state?