You always catch the wrong players.

I don't understand these new coaches who don't drink. What do they do when they get beat?

You mean in the state?

Doctors bury their mistakes, but mine are still on scholarship.

If I make a set of rules, then a guy goes out and steals an airplane. He comes back and says, 'It wasn't in the rules.'

Coaches who shoot par in the summer are the guys I want on my schedule in the winter.

Damn referees, I'll miss them less than anybody.