If I make a set of rules, then a guy goes out and steals an airplane. He comes back and says, 'It wasn't in the rules.'

I'd rather be a football coach. That way you only lose eleven games a year.

Coaches who shoot par in the summer are the guys I want on my schedule in the winter.

They wanted to buy out my contract, but I couldn't make change for a $20, so they had to let me stay.

Damn referees, I'll miss them less than anybody.

Doctors bury their mistakes, but mine are still on scholarship.

Hell no. When I die I want to be sick.