The truth is we're all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else's book. We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'

Lets not focus on saving a nickel... lets focus on making a buck.

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.