Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.

I'm a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.

I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.

If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.

You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.