My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.