I'm in a mood, Dave. A bad mood, a very bad mood! I was fired from my ice cream truck job today! No more Fudgicles!

I sing seriously to my mom on the phone. To put her to sleep, I have to sing 'Maria' from West Side Story. When I hear her snoring, I hang up.

I think the reason I don't read is because, when I'm reading, I feel like I'm missing out on something else. You know, What are my friends doing? Where's my girlfriend?

I drew the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before and, to be honest with you I wanted to see a blue duck.

A lot of critics object to what I do, but I got into comedy to make people laugh, and I've always worked hard.

I go to sleep thinking about my kids being spoiled and I wake up thinking about it.

I grew up in a house that liked to be funny. Everybody liked to be funny. My family's been...we've been enjoying each other's comedy for years.