My kids don't have a trust fund, they have a debt fund. And when I die, they're $4 million in the hole.

Some of us will never ever find true love. Take, for instance me. And I'm pretty sure that guy right there. And that lady with the sideburns. And basically everybody at table nine.

This character feels so much like my brother. He has two children. He has a wife. He works with me. He chooses to stay in New Hampshire because he wants his kids to grow up in the school they started with. He doesn't want them to lose friends. He is his family's hero.

With the amount of money I have, it's difficult raising children the way I was raised.

When I do stand-up shows at colleges, girls will talk to me after the show, and that always feels good. I like talking to them.

SNL is a home. You've got all of your brothers and sisters there, and it's a great time.

I've always liked older ladies, ever since my mother would have B'nai B'rith at our house.