In one day, I have times where I'm feeling great, I feel like I love my life, and then 2:30 rolls around and I'm the angriest man alive. My wife sees it.

I'm pretty hot, right? Very hot, if I may say so myself. Don't you feel the sex I'm radiating?

I go to sleep thinking about my kids being spoiled and I wake up thinking about it.

Of course, I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.

I don't know what drives me to succeed.

I sang a song at my sister's wedding. My mother forced me into that, too. But that one felt all right.

I'm in a mood, Dave. A bad mood, a very bad mood! I was fired from my ice cream truck job today! No more Fudgicles!