Of course, I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.

Some of us will never ever find true love. Take, for instance me. And I'm pretty sure that guy right there. And that lady with the sideburns. And basically everybody at table nine.

I'd like to have a kid, and I'd like to be driving around. I know a kid is going to be a big part of my life. I can trust my kid. I know my kid would be in the backseat of my car, and when I say You wanna get some ice-cream? he's going to be happy. My brother has kids. I see that trick work, the ice cream trick.

Feels good to try, but playing a father, I'm getting a little older. I see now that I'm taking it more serious and I do want that lifestyle.

When I was younger and did a stand-up gig, it would take me two weeks to recover. Sometimes I'd get so panicked that I would stutter.

My comedy is different every time I do it. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

The only reason I got into stand-up was because my brother told me to. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I was 17 and my brother went to a comedy club and he said - you can do that.