Nothing really worth having is easy to get. The hard-fought battles, the goals won with sacrifice, are the ones that matter.

Am I going to complain about being typecast as smart? I don't think so.

TV always wants more people to be watching.

I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.

Maybe the nails are a little stubby and gnawed on, but I definitely do not have man hands.

I can tell you this: Stand-up is not glamorous.

I liked comedy, but didn't know it was something you could do for a living. I actually wanted to be an attorney.